so...now what?

I've been thinking 'bout starting a blog for a while. the problem's - you know- is this like a personal diary thing or do i want people to see it? Well, obviously putting it up on this random blogger thing means I want an audience - which is OK seeing that I'm an aspiring writer or storyteller or both or something. Reminds me of this song I like by BlocParty called The Prayer. It basically questions our desire for fame and why it often seems wrong to want to be famous. But why should it? You know. All these impulses we have, they're human, right? By that virtue they should be OK. Of course, the counter-argument is that some impulses - human as they may seem- are clearly not meant to be pursued. It's like some people get all violent when threatened and while killing someone in self-defense is excusable by courts of all kinds (both the official ones and general human consensus) , taking a life is still a huge fucking deal, pardon the French, and really shouldn't be sanctioned by anyone. But who's going to stand and wait to die? Executionees is my guess, right? Deathrow bullshit!

I haven't been too clear in my argument, I'm afraid, but the point is, what makes certain impulses acceptable and others not? I'm coming off as some metaphysical philosophizing bullshitter but who gives a fuck? (I just threw that in there to make myself sound less pretentious; a very pretentious-like move don't you think? - and I did it again!)

Any way, I'm new at this art and money thing and I guess being on the brink of my career, the question of credibility looms large especially since making money off your art - something that I think all artists aspire to - is apparently selling out. Should I go all out and try and make as much money as I can ? Of course I should! - but that would mean losing something in the 'personally driven independent innovation' department, right? or maybe not, we'll see. The whole commercial vs. art thing as well as the mainstream (popular/ famous) vs. underground (obscure - independent) thing is clearly at play but i wouldn't want to go into all that just yet, for several reasons - the first being that right now, nobody knows this blog exists 'cept me and it'll take a while (maybe never) for that to change. But it's all good - at least I'm writing, something which I've been struggling to do this winter. The other reason is that this is my first post. I've got to say something about myself or something, right?.

This actually points to another problem I've been having with starting a blog (or anything for that matter)- you (or at least, I) always have the big picture in mind and sometimes I just wish I was there already...but you've got to start somewhere. I mean, I'd hope that I had a few (read 50 or so) posts before I could refer my friends and family to this blog (and then hope that word of mouF would spread this shit to kingdom come - the fame thing again!), but all I've got is this first one and I'm writing like this hoping that somebody will read it but maybe it'll just be me 'til kingdom come.

Anyway, back to myself (like all this hasn't been about me, huh?). I guess the best thing to say now is that I can only write a bit of myself everyday so hopefully you'll get to know me - my likes, my dislikes, favourite books, movies etc as life goes on (and as I document my own - I always feel like saying mine own). As of right now I'm reading this kick-ass comic (see, now you know I like comics) called DMZ by Brian Wood and Riccardo Burchielli. Basically, the United States of A. is in a second civil war and Manhattan is the DeMilitarized Zone between the Free States of America (FSA) and the USA (right, just so you know, I currently live in New York, New York, New York, New York, New York Ci-ty - a riff off Alicia Keys, sexiest woman alive and by sexy I don't mean just her looks). Any way, in DMZ, this random photojournalist intern gets stuck in Manhattan when he accompanies this Pulitzer-prize winning journalist into this crazy war frontier. Their copter's shot down so all he can do is survive. But after meeting some people who saved his equipment from damage, he starts documenting stuff and sending it back to his news agency. It basically takes all the crazy stuff about the current political situation and places it right in the heart of the source. It's the press and its malleability, it's the two sides of the war that are equally fanatic, it's the way the casus belli just seems to vanish after several years of war - no one really knowing what they are fighting for and it's the civilians caught in between who are not only surviving but etching out a thriving existence in the middle of a political war that nobody really understands. It's really well done and hopefully one day I'll be able to write something as angry and poignant as this. That's my future. Here's some history.

A few things 'bout me - I'm African (as my title would suggest). At least that's how I'd like to think of myself. My name's Taita Rakotomanana. Yes I know that's quite a mouthful, you may call me T - most people do. But here's a little history of my name (names?). My birth parents were both African and are unfortunately both dead - happened when I was still a kid, barely registered so don't worry 'bout me. Any way, my father was from Madagascar hence my second name while my mother was from Kenya (which makes the election violence that just ensued a little unpalatable - but at least it's died down; now if only those crazy power-hungry leaders can sit down and come up with peaceable solutions). My first name is the name of the ethnic group my mother belonged to - kinda sounds like a girl's name but I love it and will be passing it on to my youngest daughter - if I ever have one...distant future (I'm turning 22 soon). Sadly, I've never been to any of these two countries, but one day... So, these two love birds were both in Mozambique during the civil war. My father was part of the peace keeping forces sent by the OAU (Organization of African Unity now AU - African Union) while my mother was a nurse, I think. Well, she worked for Red Cross. Any way, they met and made me. Never really formalized the union (as in marriage) but what's more formal than me? - I'm going to write a novel about them someday. My own little homage to two of the greatest people in the world, according to my parents. Any way, they died in some raid or something and I was adopted by my current family who knew them back in Mozambique. My dad's South African, which is where I've lived most of my 'adult' life. Spent the last 7 years there. My mom's from the UK but I've only been there once, and then only for a couple of months. I didn't really like it there but I was 9 or 10. My mom hasn't been back since. She doesn't like talking about her side of the family so there's little I know about it. So, Taita Rakotomanana is my name but you wouldn't guess what my surname is. ADONIS. Yeah! Of Venus and Adonis - which is, apparently the line my mom used to pick up my dad - talk about lame and egocentric. I mean she was comparing herself to Venus!! Which, she kinda is. She's 2 years older than my dad! Lucky my dad wasn't too familiar with Shakespeare, then. (You should hear him quote Hamlet today - what women do to us!!).

Enough said, I think, for today. Hopefully you'll all tune in as often as I write. Well then, until next time. (Wish this was a radio show or something...signing off would be so much cooler!)